Romancing the Moon.

This blog has chronicled a lot of things: from my emotional breakdown last summer to my happy and crazy thoughts in the past.  It's time to breathe new life into another place and make a fresh start.

So while you won't be reading any of my thoughts here, feel free to snoop at the pictures and videos that I will be posting in the future.  This site will be turned into a photo/video album for my friends after serving as a public diary for almost three years.

Cheers.

Got this from Jessica Zafra’s website.  She opened an essay contest about what would Jose Rizal say about the Philippines if he was alive today.

I fell in love with this contest entry when I read it (the writer eventually won the contest: a fresh copy of Noli Me Tangere.  Oh, how I wanted one).  I could imagine our national hero, Jose Rizal, actually delivering a speech in front of millions of Filipino people at present time.  I suddenly wonder how our Filipino heroes would feel about the country’s state today if they were still alive.

***

Lolo Pepe’s resignation.

Though I am flattered that my countrymen would see me as a hero, never once did I feel like one. I never did anything because it would get me recognition. Everything I have done, was because I believed that despite all of this country’s flaws, we had promise. We still do. But now I realize that I fell in love with the idea of this country. How can I not? It was and is such a beautiful idea. But more than a hundred years since, an idea it still remains. I remember pragmatically predicting, that a hundred years after our independence from Spain, we would still remain impoverished. I wrote this out of fear, thinking that providing some foresight, might cause our people to make sure that the prediction never became true. That as a people united we will say with one voice: Enough of this poverty and injustice!

But we did not. If anything the message you gave me is clear, that you have no problems about how things are today. Why else after removing a family of tyrants from power, a family who plundered your future, and murdered your own, you would welcome them back, and return them to positions of authority. Why then would you choose a philandering leader who gambles using public funds, and pickles his body with alcohol? I guess it is not that you like the odor of corruption and moral degradation wafting around in our air, you’ve just grown accustomed to it.

I doubt I ever will.

A hundred years ago, I was able to figure out the source of our nation’s problems: the backward clergy, the corrupt politicians, the imperialistic elite families. It was just a simple matter of excising these unwanted tumors, instead you waited until they plasticized like cancer. Now they are stronger than ever, and have already hijacked your democracy. What I don’t understand is why you don’t do anything, or when you do successfully remove them, you hand the power right back to them. I and so many others, paid the ultimate price, because we had faith in your ability to make the right choices. But you as a nation chose the wrong choices, not just once, but again and again over the course of a century.

Sorry, but I’m through. Please consider this as my two weeks notice, I am officially retiring from being your hero, my country. You do not treat your heroes well. Were our lives so worthless that you thought it alright as to choose decisions that would lead to obvious failure? Did you choose this future because you wanted to spite us, to show us that you don’t care?

So many of us believed back then, that Filipinos will find themselves in struggle, instead you found yourselves lacking. I have given everything, and while I would like to help today, I find that I have nothing left to sacrifice. God watch over your endeavors, for I no longer will.

Thank you and goodbye.

I abstained myself from visiting social networking sites for a week –- particularly Facebook, Twitter and Friendster (though my Friendster account has been idle for more than a month).  It was hard at first, since I spend most of my time at our wifi-ed “office” the whole day.  But I managed to pull through it, and staying away from those sites was easier than I thought.

When I finally logged in my Facebook account, a wonderful message from an application greeted me. 

Now I'm thinking if I could make it two weeks next time. :)

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Kristel got a message that on this day, God wants her to know... that humans learn only by trial and error, and that includes you.

You've got to live life, not think about it. Step into the midst of things, try and fail and learn and stand up again. The question is not whether you will or will not make mistakes - you will. The question is do you want to learn and grow, or do you want to shrink back and be stuck? Take that step you've been avoiding. You can succeed, or you can get feedback that it didn't work, but in either case you are sure to feel alive.

1.Long-time drought 

For what seemed like ages, the creative juice was finally satiated.

It was a fine Sunday afternoon after work and I was riding a jeep to the mall.  We stopped at the red lights near the Luneta Park when I noticed this Pinoy-style horse-drawn carriage parked at the side of the street.   Its horse was so skinny, as if the bones wanted to spring out from its skin.  And its skin appeared so gray and hairless, as if the poor animal was suffering from some skin disease.

The carriage’s owner, a middle-aged man with a cigarette tucked behind his ear, was unmindful of the sight of his horse.  Despite the animal’s grotesque appearance, he kept stroking its skin like a beautiful puppy while feeding it with some gooey substance I could not describe.   I could imagine the horse gagging and vomiting at what it was eating if it could only talk.  And that heavy stagecoach!  How the horse must be suffering.

And then a story idea hit me, just like one of those cartoons on TV where a light bulb suddenly clicks on beside your head when something comes up.    The minute I got into the mall and into the coffee shop, I scribbled a rough plot of a short story -– a fable, perhaps, since it was something about a horse -– on a napkin and tucked it in between pages of my journal. That felt so good.

The only problem now was how to battle procrastination in order to finish it.

                                                        *                     *                     *

2.  Hungry for stories

Aside from creative writing, I have also rekindled my old flame with reading.  I was once a bookworm, to the point that the smell of the crisp pages of a brand-new book is orgasmic.  When I graduated college and got a job at a newspaper company, I broke ties with books and shifted my attention to the glossy pages of fashion and home magazines.  At first I could not believe why I got tired of reading; hell, I never get tired of reading since I learned how to read.  But I finally knew why (that requires another blog entry), so I sought my old feelings back like a lover searching for her lost love.

Now here I am, finding solace on the pages of a great book.  A book that I never thought I would be indulged in, since I have always been a sucker for historical fiction, suspense thriller and some romantic chick lit.

I am currently reading Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy Onassis: A Life by American celebrity biographer Donald Spoto.   It's way beyond my book taste and sounds too geeky but it was like reading a historical fiction book, only it isn't fiction and the main protagonist is a well-known, deceased figure.  I was amazed at how Spoto’s power in story-telling captures his readers and make them (me) feel like they were actually there at every scene in the book, acting like mere spectators.  I almost forgot I am reading a biography.

I guess first love never dies -– as cliché as it sounds.

(Yes, I’m joining the Michael Jackson Memorial hype.)

I was never a Michael Jackson fan.  I did not grow up with his songs, and I never really owned any of his cassette-taped albums.  I could not remember watching any of his concerts on TV, except maybe music videos during my MTV addiction in high school days. 

I did not know how Billie Jean was sang.  Honestly and seriously.  I could not sing a single line up to now.  I did not know that he and the Jackson 5 did the original of I’ll Be There; I thought it was Mariah Carey.  And did he really sing Human Nature?  Hell.  I did not know the whole steps of Thriller until I saw Jennifer Garner dance with its tune on her 13 Going on 30 movie.  And I never actually knew the title of his Man in the Mirror song until it was featured on one of the episodes of the Step It Up And Dance show.

If his death did not cause so much hype, I will never know any of his album titles... well, except maybe Thriller.  The Thriller song –- and Heal The World -– are probably the Michael Jackson songs that stuck to my brain in my childhood years.  I remember pretending to be zombies while playing with my cousins whenever we hear the Thriller song, and I remember Heal The World as one of the most sought-after songs on mass dances.

I remember Michael Jackson having a mega-concert here, but I don’t know where. I guess I never actually cared.  Heck, I was a sixth-grader then; I was more engrossed with boy bands than music icons like him.  Still, I remember his trademark white socks and black shoes, his white gloves, his snow-white skinny chest on one of his music videos I could not recall, his moonwalk steps that I could not imitate, his physical transformation to a (I’m sorry to use this word) freak, and his pedophile scandals. 

I must admit that before his death, I know him mostly on his shockingly distorted face and his involvement with young boys.  I guess most people see the same way.  His reputation for his remarkable talent on the dance floor and the influence brought by his music were suddenly taking a backseat.  What the hell happened to the King of Pop, a lot of people would ask.  Some actually never cared.

And now that he’s dead, it’s all coming back.  People started listening to his songs.  Moonwalk steps are being performed everywhere -– even at sidewalks.  Pirated DVDs of his concerts and albums are selling like hotcakes.  Social networking sites are flooded with status messages about his death, and its effect on people.  People glue themselves on TV and stay up late to catch his memorial.  Everybody starts worshipping him again.  He’s the King of Pop, the one who destroyed the racial barrier with his enigmatic songs, not the freak who’s “fond” of cosmetic surgery and young boys.

Now that I think about it, I feel guilty about looking at him the negative way.  Then I wonder, did he really have to die in order to erase his bad reputations and instead, just remember the legacy of his music?  Like blog buddy Gerry wrote in his post, we hope that he was able to at least have felt that people loved him not as a superstar but as a human being when he was still alive.

                                                        *              *              *

One of the most tearful moments during his memorial service was Paris Jackson’s farewell to her daddy (refer to the video below).  A few hours after I posted this blog, I caught a few clips of the memorial service on Studio 23.  Aside from Paris' brief but emotional message, I also got teary-eyed on this part of Marlon Jackson's long message:

“We would never, ever understand what he endured: not being able to walk across the street without a crowd gathering around him, being judged, ridiculed... how much pain can one take?  Maybe now, Michael, they will leave you alone," said Marlon as his sister, Janet nodded in agreement.

Farewell, Michael.  You will be terribly missed.

Just when I thought I have fully recovered and back on a roll, I encountered another heart-breaking stumble. What could have been a big comeback coverage for me was halted.

Goddammit, where is my fucking pack of tissues?! 

                                      *                         *                          *

Apparently, I did not have a crying session.  Yet.  Good thing I have my ipod plugged on my ears for what seemed like 24 hours, listening to nothing but one song (one of my favorites from way back. refer to the video below).  It's keeping my tears from embarrassing myself in front of these "coñotic" strangers.  Just give me a venti light mocha frappuccino, banana loaf, laptop with internet connection, my journal and my precious alternative tracks on my two-year-old battered ipod and I’ll be okay.  *lets out a big sigh to compose myself*

No, I'm not angry with or frustrated at anybody; just hurt.  But hell, the decision's final even if I already have the plane ticket.  I've got no other choice left but to accept the blow. 

Still, I understand them.  But you couldn't blame me for feeling this way.  I anticipated so much from that coverage.  I look at it as my "redemption" from my career.

Major "therapy session" ongoing at Starbucks Vito Cruz.

Am I imagining things or did they just fall out of tune at 0:39?  Whatever.  This is my "comfort song" for now.

Got myself a little gift over the weekend after attending mass (also after quite a looong time.  Sorry, Bro).  A reward for... well, staying sane (almost) the past months. Hahaha! Just kidding. :p

I am soooo in loooove with it!  I can’t wait to wear it already! 

By December, I'm going to buy the classic, hi-cut cream pair as a birthday and Christmas present for myself!  I'm excited!  A while ago, I couldn't decide which one I should buy, but since the graphic pair is limited, eto na lang muna ang binili ko.  Yehey!!!  Mababaw lang talaga ang kaligayahan ko :-D Kahit nga isang pint ng coffee crumble ice cream ang iharap n'yo sa'ken ngayon at pirated DVDs of my favorite Tagalog movies (dapat andun si John Lloyd Cruz!!!), sobrang babaha ng kaligayahan!  Short-term wish list ko 'yan ngayon, hahahaha! :p 

Woooohooooo! :)

P.S.  Oops! I almost forgot posting another little gift for myself: a Converse keychain. Hehehe.  Mas nauna ko siyang nabili kesa sa totoong sapatos.  Oo na, adik na kung adik. :) Bagay naman sa backpack ko eh. Yes!!!

I stumbled into this over the weekend while downloading songs on the internet.  I couldn’t believe I almost forgot about this song.  My college roommate, Lora, introduced me to this wonderful message.

You always know your worth ever since you are younger.  You are preserving and ambitious.  You never let criticisms pull you down; instead, you strive harder and prove your critics wrong.

You always work your way up until you reach your goal, but you keep your feet to the ground.  You don’t step on people; instead, you help them get up and find their own way to success. 

Time passes and life gets complicated.  Soon, you find yourself drowning in your own madness and sinking in your own misery.  Slowly, you forget who you really are.  You are suddenly clueless, reckless, even rebellious.  You jump the gun too fast and make hasty decisions.  You wouldn’t want to move an inch from that moshpit of depression, fearing that a small step could lead to another catastrophe.

You seek help from others -– best friends, special friends, people from your past whom you think could help you.  They give you lots of advice and even tolerate your hard-headedness.  But at the end of the day, you realize you’ve been dragging them into your own mess.  You start dwelling things on your own, not even talking a single word about it to anybody, not even the one closest to you.

Right now, you don’t really know what to do.  But at the back of your mind, you do.  You just don’t know where to start.  You don’t know how to pick up the pieces and glue yourself together.  You are full of apprehensions, insecurities, anger, pain... you don’t know which should be tended first to heal.

So I’m telling you all this, just to remind you what a wonderful person you are.  You can do it!  Just take that one small step and everything will start falling into their right places.

1.     You are actually blessed, not cursed –- as what you believe now.  You have an amazing family, wonderful sets of special friends and a cool job.  All you need is to see the whole picture and flex more muscles to make things right.

2.    You are still persevering and ambitious just like when you were younger, so don’t throw away everything you dreamed of.  You just need a little push and that’s it –- you’re on the roll.

3.    Don’t push away the people who love and care for you.  They are the ones who will run to you before you could even call.

4.    You cannot please everybody.  Work harder if efforts are returned unappreciated and unnoticed.  Someday, they will realize your worth.

5.    Don’t be afraid of change, of letting go.  Don’t hold on to something you know can’t stay for too long.  Don’t squeeze a skimpy shirt over an oversized frame; no matter how hard you try, it will still not fit.  Worse, it will just destroy the shirt and cause more damage.

6.    Don’t be afraid to try.  Remember, one of the most beautiful feelings in the world is to realize the things you are capable of doing.

7.    Go back to your passion for literary writing.  A lot of people adore your works.  You have the potential.  Work harder on the technical aspects and read more books.  Who knows, time will come and you’ll finish another nice book –- your third!  Can you believe it?

8.    You always love the color yellow -– which you once thought reflects your cheerful personality –- not black, grey or any dull color, which you now associate to what you are going through right now.

9.    You are beautiful, so don’t be too shy to think of yourself like that.  You’re not being egoistical if you do.  Everybody has a beauty of their own.

10.  Yes, you deserve to stay there -– literally and figuratively.

11.  YOU ARE NOT A BAD PERSON.  Please take note of this.  People make mistakes.  The best way to deal with it is to learn from it and forgive yourself. 

12.  Forgiveness is the most important thing.  Learn to forgive -– especially yourself.

13.  Always look at the glass half-full.

14.  Shrug away suicidal thoughts.  Please, I beg you.  A lot of people loves you so much.  It’s never worth it.

15.  Stop looking for answers.  Sometimes, it’s already right in front of your face and you’re just too stubborn to look at it.  Other times, questions are better left unanswered, not because it would divert you from getting hurt, but because they are never a question at all.

16.  Be an optimist!  Regain your self-confidence and work on your self-esteem.  I tell you, you’re way better than some of the people around you.  You may have been deprived of opportunities right now, but you can make your own.

17.  Don’t waste too much time.  Make a decision as soon as possible before it’s too late.

18.  It’s all right to cry.  Crying is not synonymous to weakness.  But don’t waste too much of your time bawling your eyes out.  There are lots of ways to solve a problem.

19.  Listen to your friends.  Don’t be too hard-headed and stubborn.  More often than not, they are right because they think outside the box.  Accept when you are wrong. 

20.  Laugh often.  Spread the love. And be happy.

P.S. 

"Get on it.  You waste too much time.  You should take good account of where you now stand.  You only have yourself to blame for driving yourself into that corner."

                                                                 -- Haruki Murakami, A Wild Sheep Chase

...Determination and Optimism.  Carl Brashear (Cuba Gooding Jr.) perfectly portrayed all these in front of his officials when he was asked to make 12 steps while wearing a hundred-pound diving suit and still recuperating from a serious leg injury.  These 12 small steps -- a test in order for him to continue his service as an American Navy diver -- became giant leaps to define his career:  he is known as the first African American diver at the time when racism is strife.

“Men of Honor” (2000) has been one of my favorite military movies of all time.  At the time when everyone –- specifically “white” people –- doubts and mocks Brashear, he showed them that he can fulfill his long-time dream come true.  He worked hard to earn the respect of his colleagues and superiors and proved himself that everything –- as in, everything –- is possible as long as he sticks to what he believes in.

I am deeply moved by this specific clip, especially at this lowest point of life (I remember getting teary-eyed when his chief, Billy Sunday (Robert De Niro), commanded, "Goddamit Cookie, move your ass! I want my twelve!" the first time I watched this movie).  I hope anyone who will see this will be motivated, too.  And I swear, you won’t regret watching this movie.  Aside from Gooding and De Niro, it also stars Charlize Theron.

Lebron, my man!!! Yeah baby!

I’ve been having a tough time dealing with my job for the past years.  A large portion of my worries and problems actually involves work.  Forget my weight, forget my being homeless for two months, my mind is so much focused on how to emotionally and mentally recover from everyday stress at work.

So when I chanced upon this great book “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff at Work” by Richard Carlson at Booksale in SM Tayuman/San Lazaro, I did not hesitate to shell a few hundred pesos buying it.  I’ve read an amateur review of his other bestseller “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff” in the paper a long time ago and mentally put his works in my list of books to read before I die.

It isn’t your ordinary self-help book.  It’s a collection of practical advice written in a simple and cohesive way.  It’s straight to the point, practical and real. 

Here are 100 simple ways Carlson advises to minimize stress and conflict while bringing out the best in yourself and others at work.  These are actually the titles of each chapter.  Each chapter is written in no more than four pages with the size of a half bond paper so readers do not get easily bored.

DON'T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF AT WORK:

1.    Dare to be happy.

2.    Become less controlling.

3.    Eliminate the rate race mentality.

4.    Don’t dramatize the deadlines.

5.    Have some “no phone” time at work.

6.    Avoid corporate bragging.

7.    Make the best of those boring meetings.

8.    Stop anticipating tiredness.

9.    Don’t sweat the bureaucracy.

10.  Remember the phrase, “being dead is bad for business.”

11.  Make the best of corporate travel.

12.  Light a candle instead of cursing the darkness.

13.  Join my new club, “Thank God It’s Today.”

14.  Don’t sweat the demanding boss.

15.  Remember to acknowledge.

16.  Don’t keep people waiting.

17.  Create a bridge between your spirituality and your work.

18.  Brighten up your working environment.

19.  Take your breaks.

20.  Don’t take the 20/80 rule personally.

21.  Make a list of your personal priorities.

22.  Use effective listening as a stress-reducing tool.

23.  Make friends with your receptionist.

24.  Remember the motto, “You catch more flies with honey.”

25.  Avoid the phrase, “I have to go to work.”

26.  Be aware of the potentially stressful effects of your promises.”

27.  Examine your rituals and habits (and be willing to change some of them).

28.  Stay focused on the now.

29.  Be careful what you ask for.

30.  Absorb the speed bumps of your day.

31.  Have a favourite business charity.

32.  Never, ever backstab.

33.  Accept the fact that, every once in a while, you’re going to have a really bad day.

34.  Recognize patterns of behaviour.

35.  Lower your expectations.

36.  Pat yourself on the back.

37.  Become less self-absorbed.

38.  Don’t be trapped by golden handcuffs.

39.  Get really comfortable with using voice mail.

40.  Stop wishing you were someone else.

41.  Ask yourself the question, “Am I making the absolute best of this moment?”

42.  Stop scrambling.

43.  Become aware of your wisdom.

44.  Realize the power of rapport.

45.  Recover quickly.

46.  Encourage company stress-busters.

47.  Give up your fear of speaking to groups.

48.  Avoid comments that are likely to lead to gossip or unwanted chatter.

49.  See beyond the roles.

50.  Avoid the tendency to pit a cost on personal things.

51.  When you solicit advice, consider taking it.

52.  Take advantage of your commute.

53.  Let go of battles that cannot be won.

54.  Think of stress and frustration as distractions to your success.

55.  Accept the fact that there’s almost always going to be someone mad at you.

56.  Don’t let your own thoughts stress you out.

57.  Make allowances for incompetence.

58.  Don’t be too quick to comment.

59.  Let go of “personality clashes.”

60.  Don’t get stressed by the predictable.

61.  Stop procrastinating.

62.  Confront gently.

63.  Remember the 3 Rs: responsive, receptive and reasonable.

64.  Get out of the grumble mode.

65.  Get it over with.

66.  Don’t live in an imagined future.

67.  Make someone else feel good.

68.  Compete from the heart.

69.  Back off when you don’t know what to do.

70.  Admit that it’s your choice.

71.  Before becoming defensive, take note of what is being said.

72.  Complete as many tasks as possible.

73.  Spend 10 minutes a day doing absolutely nothing.

74.  Learn to delegate.

75.  Strengthen your presence.

76.  Learn to say No without guilt.

77.  Take your next vacation at home.

78.  Don’t let negative co-workers get you down.

79.  Make the best of a “non-creative” position.

80.  Stay close to your center.

81.  Forgive yourself, you’re human.

82.  Put your mind in neutral.

83.  Marvel at how often things go right.

84.  Make peace with chaos.

85.  Prevent burnout.

86.  Experience a magical transformation.

87.  Avoid “if only, then” thinking.

88.  Eliminate the worry factor.

89.  Ask for what you want, but don’t insist on getting it.

90.  Remember the whole story.

91.  Tap into your secret stress-buster.

92.  Speak to others with love and respect.

93.  Don’t go there.

94.  Remember to appreciate the people you work with.

95.  Don’t sweat your critics.

96.  Reduce your self-induced stress.

97.  Become aware of the thought factor.

98.  Ease off your ego.

99.  Remember, small stuff happens.

100.      Don’t live for retirement.

“The Hitman has already become the hit man.”

Pacquiao was always supposed to be quicker than Hatton, but he was also a lot stronger -- and a lot more accurate. He landed 73 of his 127 punches in the fight in a display that had to catch the attention of Mayweather, who earlier in the day said he would return to the ring for a July 18 fight against Juan Manuel Marquez.

Hatton, meanwhile, connected on only 18 of 78 punches, according to ringside stats.

"I'm surprised the fight was so easy," Pacquiao said. "He was wide open for the right hook. I knew he would be looking for my left."

Pacquiao had the perfect game plan for Hatton, evading his bullying rushes and then picking him apart with counter punches. The performance was even more stunning because Hatton had lost only once and has been a world-class fighter for years.

"Are you happy?" Pacquiao asked promoter Bob Arum in the ring afterward.

"You're going to be the greatest fighter who ever lived," Arum replied.

That would take some doing, but on this night Pacquiao staked a claim to greatness that few would have thought possible before he scored his big upset over De La Hoya last December.

Pacaquiao needed less than half a round to figure out the onrushing Hatton, hitting him with a flurry of punches midway through the first round before putting him down for the first time with a right hook to the head. Hatton got up at the count of eight but Pacquiao landed another flurry and dropped him again just before the end of the round.

Hatton attempted to carry the fight to Pacquiao in the second round but was mostly ineffective as Pacquiao sized him up for a big punch. It finally came at the end of the round when he landed a left cross that flattened the English fighter.

"It was a hard loss but I'm OK," Hatton said. "I really didn't see the punch coming but it was a great shot. I know I'll be OK."

Pacquiao was a 2-1 favorite, but few thought Hatton would go easily. His only loss came when he was stopped in the 10th round by Mayweather Jr., and he built a career and a reputation as a tough and aggressive fighter who wore his opponents down.

But he stood no chance against Pacquiao, whose punches came straight down the middle and landed with increasing frequency as the fight went on.

"I was just doing my job," said Pacquiao, who is a national hero in the Philippines and is fast becoming a hero among boxing fans. "I always try to do my best in the ring."

Pacquiao's best on this night quickly quieted a boisterous crowd of 16,262 at the MGM Grand arena, many of them who came over from England to sing and chant Hatton's praises. They didn't even get a chance to warm up, though, before Hatton was on the canvas for the first time of the night.

"The fight was no surprise to me," Pacquiao's trainer, Freddie Roach, said. "We know he always pumps his hands before he throws a punch. He's a sucker for the right hook."

On the same day Mayweather announced his return to the ring, Pacquiao stole the undefeated former champion's thunder with a performance that was so lopsided it looked like a sparring session. Even more impressive, it came in only his third fight over 130 pounds.

Pacquiao weighed 138 pounds for the fight to 140 for Hatton, and was fighting a bigger man for the second time in a row. But nothing seems to bother the boxer who is so popular at home that there is talk of him running for president some day.

Pacquiao (49-3-2, 37 knockouts) earned $12 million for the fight, while Hatton (45-2) was paid $8 million.

Copyright 2009 Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed.

This deserves a separate blog entry.

At last, naibenta ko na sa ebay.ph ang libro kong, “Twilight” at “New Moon” by nagpapanggap-na-magaling-na-writer na si Stephenie Meyer!!!!

Yehey! Salamat kay Nims Reyes at Jhoanne Twano for buying my books.  Kahit na hindi ko nabawi ang exact amount na ginastos ko sa pagbili ng brand new books na ito, katumbas naman ito ng isang buong linggong “I AM HAPPY TODAY BECAUSE...”  Woohoo!!!

I now have more shelf space... phew.  Pero wait lang, bibili muna ako ng shelf.  Hehehe.

I have this old beat-up shorts that I’ve been wearing everytime I am at home in Batangas on weekends.  It's made of soft cotton with maroon and white stripes.  I couldn’t remember exactly when I got it because my mom would always buy me pambahay shorts at the market when I was younger.

The right side of my old beat-up shorts starts to make a wide hole after one and a half decade.  I would always ask my mom to sew it back so that I could still use it, but she wouldn’t listen.  “It looks like a rag!  Just give it up already and buy new ones,” my mom would scold me.  But I am so stubborn, so I still use it despite the gaping hole at my right thigh (I don’t know how to sew).  I just love this shorts to give this up!  It makes me feel so comfortable and at home after six days of being away, working.

But the real thing is, I’m just not so good at letting go and moving on.  I’ve been saying this a lot in previous blog posts and I still haven’t mastered it: be it about a flunked paper in college, an old pet who died, a tricycle sold to a family friend, a food receipt from a romantic date, a relationship gone haywire, an old friend... I just couldn’t handle it.  I would always ask myself a lot of questions.  Is it worth keeping?  Is it right?  What are the consequences if I let this go?  I would always weigh the options.

So imagine how preoccupied I have been when I decided to move out of my dorm.  I’ve been staying in the same room for almost five years now.  That room is full of so many memories!  From birthday celebrations, Christmas parties, blowouts... or simply just nights of hanging out, watching telenovelas and chatting about everything!  People came and went... And then, there was just me.  Just me living in that same room... for five years.

After the robbery incident last year, I told Joey it’s about time to move out.  I now have my brother working in Makati, so it’s a big plus.  At the same time, our landlady has been making me crazy (specifically after the robbery incident where she blamed it all to the security guard and me) and I just couldn’t deal with her anymore.  I am always stressed out and mentally exhausted.  It’s not helping me.

But just like my old beat-up shorts, I couldn’t let it go.  The room has been precious to me!  I love that room!  It reminds me of the friendship that I have with these great people, and the memories I shared with them.  I can “sew” it back together.  I can shrug away traumatic thoughts.  I can tolerate our irresponsible and financially abusive landlady. 

But I can’t.  And every moment I spend with that dorm equates the moment where I should have been enjoying a peaceful mind.

So I moved out temporarily to a former dormmate’s apartment.  And after two months, I am moving out again, this time with my brother, who, by that time, has already completed his contract with our dorm. 

I hope it changes a lot of things, and I can now have that peace of mind I’ve been searching for months.

Tagged by Nek. I'm not so good with blind items so if you recognize a person or two, don't post their names! Hahaha!

THE RULES

a. Write something about 15 different people.
b. You can NOT say who they are.
c. If someone asks you which one is about them, you can NOT tell.
d. Tag people whom you think would do this, too.
e. You don't have to tag the people you wrote about.

1.     We’ve been pals for all our lives but we never consider ourselves as the “best of friends.”  I may be too shy to tell you this but I think you are one of the few best people I have.  You can make it!

2.    I hate to tell you this, but you annoy me.  A LOT.  I’ve been trying so hard to look beyond your irritating tactics but I just can’t.  I’m just trying to be nice to you.

3.    I was hurt when you found your new set of friends and we simply went separate ways.  I valued our friendship a lot and I missed you.  But I’m glad we got back on track.  I am hoping to spend more time with you.

4.    You saw me at my worst, yet you still accept me for who I am.  You gave me strength and hope, and you made me believe in second chances.  We may have so little in common but we are so right for each other!  I simply can’t wait.

5.    I couldn’t believe we’ll find each other in the middle of a very painful tragedy.  We held each other’s hands and helped each other to move on.  Though we’ve been literally close for a short moment, it’s the quality of friendship that blossomed that matters.  I’m hoping to see you soon.

6.    Forcing myself to treat you as my best friend was a big mistake.  You took advantage of my kindness, only to prove yourself and your friends of something so, so stupid.  I may have forgiven you but I just can’t erase the disgust I feel for you.  I hope your learned your lesson.

7.    You taught me that life is a rollercoaster.  You egged me how to get out of my nutshell and try new things I never thought I would do.  But some things are just not meant to last.  Still, I never regret the friendship I once had with you.

8.    Why are you so damn insecure?  Don’t you know how talented you are?  You don’t have to stomp on others just so you could convince yourself you’re superior.

9.    I look up to you a lot, especially on how to improve and value my craft.  You gave me one of the most beautiful compliments in my writing and it urged me to go on.  Idol!

10.  Knowing you was like opening a Pandora’s box in me. 

11.  Heck, I memorized the lyrics of “Semi-Charmed Life” by Third Eye Blind and trying to like “Head Over Feet” by Alanis Morissette just so you would like me.  But you still liked me, anyway.  It didn’t last long, though, because you bumped your head on the wall... or something.

12.  I can’t believe why I was trying too hard to be friends with you then.  I didn’t know what you were up to.  I guess I was lousy at judging a person’s character.  But all is said and done.

13.  I would love to trade shoes with you for a day.  You’re one lucky girl.  You almost have everything.  You’re smart, you’re pretty and you have a good heart.  No wonder girls envy you.

14.  I value our friendship, but sometimes, you make me crazy with your whining and you know it.  Grow up, girl!  It’s been years and you’re still moping around!

15.  We grew up together liking the same things:  writing fiction, the Backstreet Boys, MTV, books... we even developed a crush on the same boy! You make me believe that distance will not be a hindrance to a great and long-lasting friendship.  I hope this will last for a very, very long time.